i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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