we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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