i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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