dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
