all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
