redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
