Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize