I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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