Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
