Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
