remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
