i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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