saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Randomize
