If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
