New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
