Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
