his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
only you would photoshop your dick
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
