the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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