we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
