Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
So many bounce houses so little time
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
