i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
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