He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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