roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
