Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
