Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
