Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
