Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
