just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
two words: eviction party
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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