I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My vagina just clenched in fear
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
