Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
