remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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