whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
