Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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