I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
