Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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