I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
