You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
