Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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