I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
