he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
