New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
