wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He uses pillows to masturbate.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize