ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
