The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
