Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just gargled with NyQuil
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
