The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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