Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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