11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
