All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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