Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
