Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
