well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
