apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
